Terrible Yet Terrific Twos

To: My Little Cub


Wow. It's been awhile since I wrote, to you, about you, just wrote.
 I really cannot belive how much of a grown kid you appear to be these days. You speak. Regularly. You tell me how you feel, what you're thinking, what you did in school, what you remember happening, what you remember me saying. You follow rules without me telling you to. You say thank you, welcome and bless you on your own. You say excuse me after you burp (and fart! lol) without me reminding you to do so. We've come a long way!

 Two has been extremely fun and rewarding, yet...extremely challenging. As the oldest of five, I knew raising a child on my own would be a lot of work. But I can honestly say that I had no idea just how hard it would really be. I couldn't have imagined it. What can I say Baby Bear? You are quite the stubborn little guy. I'd like to think this means you'll be a very confident, strong, independent adult. A leader and a champion.

We went running this weekend, at a track in our neighborhood. I've been waiting for this day to come. You ran half a lap. Then walked, played ball and sat out for a break while I ran 5 more. You looked revitalized. I felt revitalzed. It was a nice soon-to-be spring day. I felt on top the world. The river running along side of us. New York City shimmering in the distance.  And my munchkin and I...together; experiencing life...as we'll continue to do.

Love,
Mama Bear

My Big Boy...

Date: October 2012

I've had many moments the past couple of months where I looked over at my munchkin and thought, holy canoli, he is not a baby anymore! These moments occur often...

Yesterday, I picked up my son from school and on our short walk to the car we passed by the very spot where we had seen a dog enter into an apartment building that morning on the way to school. "Doggy!" he shouted and pointed at the door to the apartment building. "Yes, that's right, the dog went in there." I responded. We kept walking and stopped in front of the pizza shop (I told him we'd have pizza for dinner). He ran inside and immediately found a seat and sat down. I smiled. He looked ADORABLE sitting in the chair with his legs dangling down, observing everyone around him. He no longer needs a highchair or booster seat at restaurants!

I ordered us two slices of pizza and asked the lady behind the counter to cut both in small slices. I sat down at the table next to my munckin. "No, mama! Over there!" Oh. He had picked out my seat across from him. "Ok Bubba, you want me to sit here, across?" He replied with his new most commonly used phrase, "Yeah." and then proceeded to grab my purse and place it on the seat next to him. We ate our pizza followed by a walk to the nearby park...it was a peaceful, pleasant evening with my little guy.

My Baby is T-W-O!

To: My Little Cub

Oh lowdy...my son is officially the big t-w-o! I remember your birth like it was yesterday; your slimy little self - so fragile, so new. We've come a long way; you and I, in these two years. You're now 33 inches tall and 35 heavy pounds. You are the tallest, yet youngest in your classroom. A big boy. A tall boy.

You are speaking pretty clearly now and have a pretty vast vocabularly. Last night you asked me for apple juice. Earlier today you said "Thank you, mama." So sweet. We have pretty expansive chats now...and arguments. You are still very determined and strong willed. You refused to let me dress you today. We spent 20 minutes arguing. Finally, I asked you to pick out the shirt you wanted to wear. You chose a football shirt. If only I would have known. I could have saved us 20 minutes.

Running, dancing, throwing balls and playing with cars...some of your favorites. You have a great arm and seem to be ambidextrous. We'll see if that sticks. You love The Wiggles and Sesame Street and say Ernie so adorably...."Uny" in that munckin voice I love so much.

You like to say hello and bye-bye to strangers. This summer a few popular songs stuck to you, Rihanna's "Oh nana", Ne-yo's "Hey!", all taught to you by your Titi "Exis".

You know the difference between "mama's car" and "Titi's car". Pure genius! At two. To get you to our car faster I say "Someone's trying to get into our car! We better stop them." And you run as fast as you can to our car yelling "My car! Mama's car!" My little hero.

Quite the charmer and silly toddler you are. I love you so enormously so. My sunshine and my rock. I look forward to growing "old" together. ;)

Loving you so freakin much it overwhelms me at times...

-Mama Bear

Does a kid NEED a father?

I've pondered this topic for a long time, always going back and forth on the answer. While I think it's wonderful and beneficial for a kid to have their father around; to raise them and teach them how to play ball or advise them on the male perspective of things, I don't think kids NEED a father. A father-like figure, yes. But there are many people who can play that role in a kid's life. In my son's case he has lots of "uncles" and wonderful grandfathers, as well as great uncles and even a great grandfather. He HAS male figures and positive male role models in his life, around him, often.

I usually don't let the fact that my son has 1 parent get me down. Usually. But, sometimes the father thing can get to me. The other day, at the local B&N, my son and I were reading (and playing) with books in the children's section. It was a delightful day. We had just come from enjoying a delish dinner with family and were relishing in the fact that it was early enough to visit a bookstore before bed. We sat in the children's section; browsing, running around. When I suddenly came across a book title that read: Why a Boy Needs a Father. I stopped in my tracks and glared at the book. I immediately felt sad and then...angry. Angry that books with these titles exist. Angry that one day my son might come across this same title when he's at reading age and feel the same sad way that I felt when reading this title. I quickly pushed the book to the back of the pile and moved: The Complete Single Mother to the front of the pile. I smiled to myself, feeling a tad bit better, and went back to chasing my little boy around the many aisles of children's books.

Serenity

Mom to Mom

I was on the subway the other day, riding alone = sans child, and noticed a woman struggling to get on with a huge stroller (like one of those super duper jogging strollers) and a gigantic suitcase. Lucky for her, someone (another mom) grabbed her suitcase and helped her get on the subway. She said thank you to the other mom and sighed. She looked tired, worn, beat. I empathized with her. She stretched her back backwards a few times, as if she was in a bit of pain. I'm sure pushing the ginormous stroller and suitcase through the subway station that morning was a pretty intense workout for her, for anyone. After stretching a couple more times, she reached over to the front of the stroller and said to her little girl (probably 1.5 years old), "Give mommy the keys sweetie." The little girl was playing with what appeared to be her house keys. The little girl said no, and pulled the keys further away from her mother's reach. The woman sighed and retreated behind the stroller. She looked up, defeated. I smiled empathetically. I have been there. As the subway approached the next stop the woman stood up taller and tried to gather her belongings. She struggled to push the stroller forward, while wheeling the suitcase from behind her. It was then that I noticed the big, gleaming rock on her left ring finger and paused. Any instinct to "feel sorry" for her evaporated. Yes, I empathized with her. But I didn't need to feel sorry for her.

My Heart

My heart: Sebastian. I love this little person so enormously so. I, or rather, we, have been having a difficult time lately. Separation anxiety. This little face here has been crying his eyes out and yelling "mama!" everytime I leave him. Heartbreaking. Really. An awful feeling for a working mother. I mean, I HAVE to go to work. It's just my munchkin and I. No one else to pay our bills and support us. I have to go. But look at this face. Isn't he the cutest? Wouldn't you try to never leave this little boy's side? ::sigh:: That's how I feel...every day. And yet almost every day, I have to leave him behind while I commute myself right into the city, to work. I had heard that right around the two year mark separation anxiety occurs. And yet, I was extremely surprised when it happened. Sebastian has been in daycare since he was 7 months old. That's more than a year now. And he never cries when I leave him at school. He, since the beginning, would just smile and wave. To suddenly experience him clinging on to my leg for dear life and chanting my name (mama, of course) made me tear up. I started to contemplate quitting work again (like when I came back from maternity leave). What would I have done to pay bills? Well, good question. Guess I didn't get that far in my thought process. But just as surprised as I was to witness Sebastian freak out when I had to leave him at school the past two weeks, I was even more surprised when suddenly both yesterday and today, he did the opposite. He smiled, waved and said "Bye bye, Mama." What? I stopped. I looked around. Was this a trick? Was he letting me go that easily? I smiled back. Said "Bye Baby." Kissed him on the forehead and slowly, quiety, started to walk towards the front door, holding breath, waiting for the sound of  his footsteps behind me. There were none. I reached the front door of the center, turned to peak at him and there he was, sitting contently with his buddies, eating his cheerios. Ok, this is good. Right? Right, I told myself as I walked to the bus stop feeling a mixture of relief and disappointment. Hmmmm.